Bill from Jersey

This Ever Happen to You?

2012-02-01T14:28:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I walked out of the eye doc’s office, pupils dilated to the max, with my new cool-looking shades. The day shined bright! Of course, there could have been a total eclipse of the sun and it would have still looked bright to me.

I got in my car and looked at my text messages. P had texted me:

1:28 PM P: If that works for you maybe you can schedule the granite people, too?

1:32 PM Baffled Me: Huh? If what works?

1:40 PM P: In session! Can you text? Or should I try to call?

2:03 PM Me: I’m in Morris Plains headed your way

2:32 PM Me: I’m parked on the east side of the building.

2:47 PM Me: Yoohoo! I’m still here.

2:59 PM Me: I am now in the foyer of this building!

3:10 PM Me: Don’t you guys ever take a break?

3:32 PM Me: I’m outtahere!!!

6:16 PM P: We broke at 2:15… And after that totally facilitating- sorry – love you!

That’s funny! I saw a group of people walk out of the grand ballroom, but I didn’t see P trailing the group. It must have been the bright lights in the room!

I'll need to get the big gun out...

2012-01-19T12:41:00.003-05:00

Ch mentioned he's disappointed I don't have more photos of our new place. I tried taking some decent pics, but you can only do so much with a phone camera, as you can see above. I'll need to get the big gun out for better stuff. That would be the Canon Rebel.

Introducing Our Newest Family Addition

2012-01-06T17:19:00.003-05:00

Welcome to our world, SA!

A Grateful Christmas Post

2012-01-06T11:12:00.009-05:00

Besides our new home, we were blessed in other profound ways this Christmas. Maddog had brain surgery on December 23. The procedure was to correct problems created by a Chiari Malformation. Our Christmas was spent in Columbia Presbyterian on Manhattan. You worry that the same little guy who goes into surgery, will be the same little guy who comes out of surgery.

We walked into his room on Sunday, two days after his operation. He was lying still on his back with a serious glum look on his face.

Maddog (after a long pause): "Boo!"

After which, smiling broadly, he sat up and announced he wanted to go for a walk. The photo you see here was taken on Christmas Day and was M's first stroll since his surgery. He went 3 laps. He is the same little guy!

A week later, Sophie Annaliese came into our lives. M's mom gave birth to a healthy, 8 lb-10 oz, little girl. An updated photo will be coming soon. In my excitement I didn't take a picture when I had the chance. Like all of our women Sophie is gorgeous. The Lord has truly blessed us.

Old Place, New Place

2012-01-06T11:01:00.005-05:00

The top photo is me, Bill, with the incomparable P. It's our final exit from the farm. The bottom photo is our new home. That is not a pile of manure to the side of our porch. Baruch Hashem!

mmmmmm...

2012-01-06T10:57:00.005-05:00

When I first saw this I thought, "What does that little blue guy know about rice?"

Just Like My Mother ...

2011-12-06T10:12:00.003-05:00

The three of us were watching TV last night. Rizzoli and Isles came on. Mindless! Right!

P: Whooz that actor playing Santa Claus?

B: Uhhh ... I don't know. Fred something!

Long pause...

B: It's Willis! Fred Willis!

P goes to sleep. Fifty-five minutes later, as soon as the program ends, she wakes up, and the first thing out of her mouth she blurts:

P: WILLARD! It's Fred Willard!

B: Bingo!

My mother had that ability. Impressive!

Closer and Closer!

2011-12-05T12:08:00.003-05:00

Our walkway to the front door and the driveway will be paved with these stones. Once this is done, the builder can request the Certificate of Occupancy. We'll close next week!

"I'm dying to see the new digs!"

2011-11-29T14:39:00.007-05:00

That's a quote from our long-time friend J from Utah. That's Toolie, Utah, as a matter of fact. We went to visit J&M last summer. You know what! They raise chickens in their backyard! Imagine that!

City- and country folk alike raise chickens in their backyard. S-Squared, another lovely couple, came up to us and started talking about their chickens. It was surreal, but educational. I learned that Rhode Island Reds are agrressive. They're sort of like the Doberman Pincer of chickens. Andalusians, on the other hand, are flighty and noisy. I personally prefer the friendly and calm Appenzeller Spitzhauben.

Well, J, here's a taste of what the place looks like inside.

I'm Liking This!

2011-10-04T14:33:00.003-04:00

Siding...

2011-09-06T12:20:00.004-04:00

What's Happened to Me?

2011-09-02T16:43:00.002-04:00

I wrote a while back that the only "reality" (I use the term loosely) show I watched was American Idol and only the last 10-12 weeks of its yearly broadcast. Even then, P and I will limit our viewing of the weekly results show to the last five minutes. We just want to see who gets kicked off. I gotta tell you I was very disappointed when Pia got booted early.

But something has happened to me. I have since seen full episodes of "So, You Think You Can Dance?" and "Project Runway." I hate that screaming Mary Murphy. I like Tim. I love that show "What Not To Wear." I like the shikse.

C's favorite show is "Wipeout." When I first got our HDTV I would find episodes of W recorded on the DVR. C had set our machine so he could watch when he came over. I don't care for the show. It's stupid!

Why has this happened? I'll tell you why. My youngest, A, is living with us for the time being. She's brought her music and her shows. She's given P the courage to turn on those HGTV home shows while I'm in the room. And I'm watching all this crap.

P and I do have one safe harbor left; BBC mystery shows. We love those things!

Digressions

2011-09-01T14:56:00.005-04:00

I grew up in Southern California. I spent a lot of time at the beach. When the ocean generated some heavy weather, you got "storm surf." And, when you got storm surf, you headed for the water. You were in the hope of catching some "bitchin'" waves.

You know, I saw a recent interview of a surf champion on You Tube. The interviewer was wearing a blazer with flowered pants and the interviewee responded in language that was vaguely familiar to me. I heard him refer to the bitchin' waves that ruled that day. Bitchin' was my favorite form of expression. Girls actually strived to look bitchin.' Some things don't change, though! Both guys sounded like they had blown a little too much weed that day. But, I digress...

Heavy storm surf created some pretty nasty riptides. You just sort of learned to go with the flow. You could enter the water, catch a ride, then wind up a half mile or more down the beach. It was important to stay relaxed and strong.

Right now I feel adrift in a sea of social media which in my mind includes bad television. I often find myself fighting against the current.

I fought texting for instance. I proudly proclaimed you wouldn't find me using it. It was vague and ephemeral. Now I use it not only at home but also at work. This disturbs me, just a little.

I don't tweet. Twitter escapes the grasp of my understanding. I see no benefit in using it, only negatives. Why do I want to get a tweet that directs me to Facebook which then will direct me to a giveaway on someone's Blog. It's futile! I never win anyway!

I made the mistake of creating a Facebook page. All of a sudden, I started getting requests from people who knew people that knew people I knew. What's that all about?

Last week, I "friended" a couple of ladies with whom I went to high school. Whoa! I was deluged with friend requests from lots and lots of people I haven't seen since 1966. It's a little much! Acceptance seems to carry with it a social imperative of being nice and responsive. I gotta think this over. I'm not sure I have enough time to be nice and responsive.

Next time, we will talk about bad television and grown children.

Found Him!

2011-08-26T10:44:00.002-04:00

Maddog turned up!

Happy Birthday!

2011-08-25T15:58:00.004-04:00

Last weekend we celebrated Maddog's second birthday. If you look closely at the above photo, you'll see the out-line of the little guy's head amongst the balloons. A room full of balloons awaited him as he woke from his nap. The look on his face and his parent's was priceless.

I Can't Help It!

2011-08-08T14:12:00.002-04:00

I know you're bored with this stuff, but, I don't care!

A Civil Jersey Exchange

2011-08-05T16:24:00.008-04:00

Who said we Jerseyans are rude? No, we can be civil, even in the heat of the moment! Case in point!

This morning, P and I drove up to our new homesite and met with our builder. We needed to get clear on a few points. Our meeting was pleasant and constructive. In fact, we love our builder. Great guy!!

On the way out of the area, P mentioned she wanted to take a picture.

Bill: You want me to turn around?

P: That would be nice.

Bill: OK! I'll turn around.

The access road narrowed where we were, but, hey! This is New Jersey! Drive where you want. Make your own way.

I stopped at the top of a curve. No cars in front. A delivery truck about about 200 hundred yards back was coming down the road. In my mind I think there's plenty of time for him to slow down, right?

I start my k-turn and I notice this guy speeds up a little. In fact, if I didn't know better, it looked like he wanted to hit me. He comes to an abrupt stop. I let down my window as I pass him.

Bill: Hey! Whattsamattah wi'choo!

Deliveryman: You're a freaking idiot!

Bill: No, you're the idiot!

Notice there was no use of the f-bomb. "Freaking" qualifies as a euphemism. Nor, was there any reference to anyone's particular anatomy. We can be civil , even when we're a little hot.

Flip You For It!

2011-07-31T23:35:00.002-04:00

P and I drove to the grocery store. It was one of those I'll-run-in-while-you-wait-in-the-car kind of shopping trips. I sat and listened to the Yanks, while P shopped.

It's funny what your mind will do when you're idly sitting. By the time she got back, I had worked myself up about what to do with that third Dove Bar. They come in threes, now, instead of fours. I figured I might want one on the way home. That would leave two for later. In my mind, it's a dilemma.

Bill: "I'll flip you for that third Dove Bar!"

P: "What! That's crazy! You know you're getting that anyway!"

Funny what guilt makes you say.

Road Trip

2011-07-31T23:34:00.002-04:00

We drove up to the Cape for a long weekend. On the way, we stopped at a Panera's for a soup and sandwich. I left P and A to order while I went to do some business.

While I was standing doing my business, a woman shouts in my ear at the top of her voice, "Ben!" I turned my head and saw the door move slightly, as if someone looked in the door and released it. Weird, right?

I went back to our table and told P and A about my experience. They looked at me incredulously and open-mouthed.

A stunned A starts to say, "Do you mean to tell me.." at which point an overhead speaker blares rather loudly, "Jennifer, please pick up your order at the counter." A shook her head and chuckled.

Panera installed the same kind of loudspeaker in the lavatory... Hey, it startled me!

Master Bathroom Granite

2011-07-26T17:55:00.003-04:00

I believe this will be our countertop in the Master Bathroom. Help me out here, P. Am I right? St.Cecilia, no?

Italian Granite

2011-07-26T17:45:00.009-04:00

This will be for our casse di cucina nuove.... kitchen counter-tops.

Roofing ...

2011-07-24T19:14:00.002-04:00

Computerworld

2011-07-21T16:55:00.001-04:00

I ran across this blurb in Computerworld today.

Game store sells only to kids with good grades

Brandon Scott, a manager at a GameStop video game store in Dallas, won't sell PC games or video games to any minor unless an adult confirms that the youth is getting good grades in school. Scott also throws out any kids who use profanity in the store or wear their pants too low. And if any student can prove straight As, Scott will buy him a free video game.

Plywood ...

2011-07-18T10:58:00.004-04:00

Progress...

2011-07-15T13:16:00.006-04:00

It's Been Dry!

2011-07-01T08:36:00.002-04:00

I Really Stepped In It This Time!

2011-06-24T10:31:00.002-04:00

No significant progress on the house. We've had a lot of rain the past couple of weeks, as you can see by my Clark buckskin shoes.

Drive Safely

2011-06-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

Is this exciting, or what?

2011-06-09T14:54:00.006-04:00

I can't tell you enough how exciting this is for me! I can't wait to drive up and check out our house. It's like when I first met P. I could hardly wait to see her... between fishing trips.

A Little More Progress

2011-06-01T17:33:00.008-04:00

That's a crushed-stone footing. P and I are going to inspect the foundation this weekend.

This is exciting stuff!

Picnic

2011-05-27T18:03:00.005-04:00

I received a call yesterday from Co, my daughter-in-law. She invited P and I to join her, C, and Mad Dog for a picnic in Wharton, of all places.

Bill: Wharton? Why Wharton? You live 30 miles from there! It's urban!

Why didn't I just say, "Sure! We would love to, sweetheart!" No, I gotta make her feel defensive. There's something wrong with me.

Co: Yeah, there's a nice little park there. We'll stop at this little place, pick up some "passties," then go on a picnic in the park.

Bill: Wharton? Why Wharton?

Co: Chris, our mechanic, is in Wharton. Do you want to go, or not?

Bill: Oh, now it makes sense! Well, yeah, sure! ... What's a "passty?"

It turns out the "passty" is a pastry filled with potatoes, beef chunks, and onions, then crimped around its edges. I enjoyed it. I thought it might be Polish, or something. When I got home, I looked it up on Wikipedia. Its actually spelled "pasty" and pronounced with the same long "A" as in tasty. They call it a "tiddy oggy" in Cornwall.

I called Co and informed her of this. She laughed and giggled good-naturedly. I called P with the same information and she showed disgust. Told me to behave myself!

New Home Construction

2011-05-24T14:29:00.018-04:00

P and I have decided to make a positive contribution to this economic recovery by building a new home in northwest New Jersey. That's big of us, I know, but somebody's gotta do it! Construction has started and we expect to finish in the fall. It is going to be nice! We'll be nestled right in the middle of a 7-course golf and ski resort. My front door will be less than a hundred yards from the first tee of one of the courses. I have included a couple of photographs to begin chronicling this event. Notice the green mountainside? That will never be developed. Friends and family are welcome to see the leaves turn in the fall.

Remember When "Branding" Was Non-Existent

2011-03-09T09:33:00.002-05:00

Those were simpler days. Who cared what psychological triggers were pulled when your business was mentioned? You bought a product or service. You knew what it was by its name. You knew what it did. Life was so much simpler then.

I am having one of those simple moments right now. I am waiting for Dave the Repairman from Bob's Appliance to come and fix my refrigerator. How beautiful is that?

I'm not waiting for a "service technician" from "XYZ Systems Solutions Company" coming to solve my problems. I'm waiting for Dave and he's going to fix my refrigerator. It feels good.

Sleep Bong

2011-02-25T10:10:00.006-05:00

I spent last night in the Atlantic M-town Sleep Bong Center. Sleep Bong? That's what I call the C-PAP machine. Miraculously, I had a good night's sleep. Probably the first one since I was a kid. A tumor kept me awake from the time I was eight until I was eighteen, when someone finally figured out what was wrong with me and removed the tumor. But, that's another story.

John wired me up again with 20+ leads and placed a mask over my face. It took an hour to get used to it, but once I did, I slept soundly for 5 hours without waking. Whoa! What a feeling!

Prior to that, I could hear another patient across the hall speaking loudly, only like a person from the Northeast can speak:

Woman Patient to John, the technician: "Oh, I don't think I have apnea. I'm here because I can't sleep at night. I need to read to get to sleep. Will I be able to read? Yes? Good! Oh my gawd, I forgot my sleep mask! You know, my sleep mask? Now, my son has apnea and he uses a C-PAP machine. It's done wonders for him. He sleeps like a baby. He's lost a lot of weight. But I don't think I have apnea. I just lie awake all night.

Bill thinking. Loudly! "How much longer will I have to listen to this maniac?"

W. Patient: "Do you have a sleep mask ? My sleep mask blocks out all the light. It blocks out all the little green lights on the TV. It blocks out the red lights on the digital clock and the lights from the numbers. It blocks out the light from the sun at dawn"

Bill thinking: "Jeez, lady, those are black-out curtains hanging in your room!"

W. Patient: "I just can't sleep without my mask. I hope I'll be able to. You said I will be able to read, right? My other son snores alot, you know. But he won't come to the Sleep Center. Not a chance! I think he has apnea. Nah, he'll never come here. That's too bad."

Bill praying: "Please shut this woman up!"

W. Patient: "I have granddaughters and I had one grandson. He died from an overdose. Drugs! They got pushers out on Long Island."

Bill thinking: "Damn, now I feel bad for the old lady!"

W. Patient: "Yeah, they got those pushers out on Long Island. He got caught up with the wrong people. Yeah, pushers. (pause) I guess they got them here , too. Drugs are everywhere!"

Bill thinking: "How much longer will I have to listen to this?"

Not much longer! Two minutes later her side of the hall became absolutely quiet. All I could hear were the jostlings of the sleep technician. Then, the technician came into my room and introduced me to the sleep bong.

Whoa, Wait a Minute!

2011-02-20T10:25:00.002-05:00

I started writing about my visit to the Sleep Center last Wednesday night and I realized I was describing my medical condition to you. I stopped myself. It sounded too much like my old man telling me what his latest ailment is.

Bill: Hi, Dad, how you doin'?

Dad: Well, I went to the doctor last week.

Bill: You alright?

Dad: Now I am. I feel good! My stool was loose and I was feeling a little dizzy.

Bill: What did the doctor say?

Dad: He said I'm in good shape and keep doing whatever it is I'm doing.

Bill: Well, what are you doing?

Dad: I drink a big glass of apple cider vinegar every day"

Here's what I will tell you about myself. They trussed me up with 28 electrodes to my body, 14 of which were connected to my head. They wrapped my head in gauze to keep all the wires from tangling. I discovered I get zero per cent of deep sleep each night. I did not like this experience.

Thursday I go in where a technician will hook me up to a machine which will create positive pressure in my head much like the positive pressure in your home HVAC sytem. Enough said.

Freaking Magic

2011-02-15T19:35:00.003-05:00

Last weekend P and I had lunch with C-Squared and Maddog. M is our grandson. I stopped at the Millburn Deli and picked up a couple of "God Fathas," an "Urban Cowboy," and the famous "Gobbler." Great stuff!

After lunch, Maddog was a little restless, so I picked him up and carried him around the flat. We get along pretty good. According to Co, he doesn't like to sleep, like his grand-dad. I can relate.

Bill: "This kid needs to go to sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night and try to get back to sleep, I start counting backwards starting at 100. As I count, my breathing slows and synchs up with the count. I'm asleep by 93."

I began counting: "One hundred," I say as I take a long slow breath. Co's skeptical.

"Ninety-nine," and I take another breath.

At 97, Co gives me that look and says, "His eyes are fluttering!"

By 93 Maddog was asleep! Cool, eh? Magic!

Sleep Not So Tight

2011-02-12T22:58:00.002-05:00

I'm not a sound sleeper. Nor am I soundless according to P. So, I agreed to visit the M-town Sleep Center yesterday where I met with the very capable Dr. Capone. He personally queried me about my medical history, after which, he effortlessly described sleep physiology, possible causes, and possible cures, none of which are a sure thing. Such is life, not many sure things, but death and taxes.

The sole question crossing my mind as he spoke was this, "Was your grandfather's name Al, by any chance?"

I get hooked up next wednesday night. Electronically! I'll let you know how it goes.

Before I forget!

2011-02-10T13:31:00.002-05:00

Sunday marked a red-letter day for our family. For the first-time in 36 years of marriage P sat down and watched a football game with me on TV. I was so happy and thankful. Happy, because, I like to watch TV with P. Thankful, because, she kept any stupid questions to herself. Love ya, Babe!

Keep Your Eye On the Ball

2011-02-10T12:57:00.006-05:00

On Monday, one day after one of the greatest Super Bowl games ever played, I heard comments about the awful performance of The Black-Eyed Peas. The costumes of the performers were "ugly." The lighted costumes looked "ridiculous." The dancers on the field were "out of step and out of synch."

Oh, and did you hear how Christina Aguilera misconducted herself? She flubbed a line as she sang the national anthem. Here's the odd thing about it. These were comments made by sportscasters. Hey guys! This was a football game!

I doubt if anyone of them could recite the national anthem without messing up. I doubt if half the people I've done business with this week could recite the anthem sine errore. Give the girl a break.

People didn't like the Peas performance. Said Fergie was pitchy (too much Idol watching?) and she looked too harsh. What! Hey guys! This was a football game!

I enjoyed the Peas. I enjoyed their energy. I enjoyed the kids on the field (they were probably local college kids.) I enjoyed Christina's singing, although I can always do without artistic flourishes at the end. Afterall, "The Star Spangled Banner" is about our country and not the performer. But, that's another post.

Yeah! I liked the whole thing. Why? Because, this was a football game. A very good football game!

Hey guys! Keep your eye on the ball!

More Winter Scenes

2011-02-04T16:06:00.004-05:00

Winter Scenes from the Fahm

2011-02-03T15:15:00.005-05:00

Snapshots from last week's storm

Uhhh, What Did He Just Say?

2011-01-27T23:26:00.004-05:00

I was listening to CNN news radio this week when the announcer mentioned that the State of Utah legislature had just passed a bill in committee (9-2) to adopt the Browning 1911 pistol as the state firearm. Huh?

At first I was hoping it was UCON (University of Connecticutt) who was making this crazy move. I sometimes mistake UCON for Utah on the radio. But then the guy mentioned Browning, and I knew it was Utah.

How whack is that? This is the same state where, in 1985, the predominant church stopped Reagan's plan of making UTAH the home of the proposed Peacekeeper Missile Program. The Peacekeeper was meant to be a third-generation ICBM with increased range, variable war yields, and pinpoint accuracy.

The idea was to build a railroad loop out in the west desert so the Russians wouldn't ever know just where the missiles were hiding. I suppose the CIA figured the USSR wouldn't ever have satellite spy technology. That didn't quite figure for me.

Anyway, while the Utah congrssional delegation salivated over the pork, the Church made an announcement that it wasn't appropriate to place such a weapon among the peace-loving people of Utah. Senators Hatch and Garn, plus the two Congressmen changed their votes from yay to nay over night. Church intervention stopped the process dead.

It's also the same state where Church Presidents from Lorenzo Snow to Joseph F. Smith to Gordon Hinckley denounced the practice of engaging in blood sports. Yet, the gun culture is so strong they want to commemorate an arms dealer, John Moses Browning.

Hey! You want to own a gun? Then own a gun. Hell, I own a gun, although I am currently separated from it by 1900 miles of highway asphalt.

Adopt a firearm as a state symbol? Awake Utah! Your idea is whack!

Sonic Boom!

2011-01-12T11:24:00.002-05:00

I have mocked Co whenever she's walked around the house brushing her teeth. I thought it was foolish to stick an electronic device in your mouth and let it rattle around at high speed in your head. But like the wise man once said, "Fools mock!''

I repent! I'm converted! I must shout from every rooftop, "Get yourself a Sonicare FlexCare Toothbrush with UV Sanitizer, or, be damned to a lifetime of tooth sweaters." Maybe that was a little harsh. I'm a little excited.

Phyllis brought a couple home this week and it is amazing. I feel like brushing my teeth all the time. I mean, who needs that mean-spirited aging dental hygienist who tries to give me a tube of Sensodyne every time I'm unlucky enough to draw her. She just assumes I have sensitive teeth because I'm gray and long-toothed.

"Hey, lady, I flinch because you love to inflict pain. I don't have a problem with the young ladies!"

This new machine will put the Marquess de Sade out of business. You've got to spring for one of these.

It took a while for me to get used to it. I kept flipping the toothpaste off the brush because I started it before I put the brush in my mouth. Then I worked the paste into the brush and wetted it. I turned it on and watched the paste rise out of the bristles like a phoenix then spray tiny round drops of pasty fluid all over my face and mirror.

P was in the next room. I quickly wiped off the mirror and the wash basin to remove evidence of my mishap. I didn't need any ridicule right then.

DOF Date

2011-01-11T13:03:00.003-05:00

P and I had the perfect date night last evening. It's called "Dinner and the Dentist."

At 5 PM we had a leisurely dinner at The Longhorn. The timing was perfect! Crowds don't start backing up til six. The venue was perfect, too. I mean, what can be more american than a chain steakhouse with cowboy kitsch plastered all over the walls. Although, I am a little disappointed in L's new decor. They are using cowboy art rather than the old-timey photographs.

We finished in time to make P's semi-annual teeth cleaning at Doctor M's. Speaking of teeth, I have a special post tomorrow for all you dental freaks out there.

The beautiful thing about this date was getting home by 8:00 PM! Just in time to view all of our british TV favorites and fall asleep on the couch!

What?... What does DOF stand for? That you'll have to figure out for yourself.

Loving E-Mail Chat

2011-01-06T10:29:00.000-05:00

Here's a recent e-mail exchange between A (daughter) and Bill (dad.)

A; Your blog is boring!

Bill: Yeah, well, you haven't been lighting up the blogoshere yourself.

A: Blah, blah blah...

Maybe I'll crank it up again.

I did it again!

2010-10-08T13:54:00.003-04:00

One would think after 36 years of marriage I would remember my anniversary. Damn, I forgot! Again!

I can't believe it! Eleven (11) months out of the year, I remember P and I were married on 10/10/1974. Then, along about September 15, this particular piece of knowledge just disappears. Maybe it has something to do with short-term versus long-term memory?

Here's how it went:

B: G's final performances are this weekend. Do you want to go or stay home?

P looks at me with a startled expression.

B: Friday or Saturday night, and Sunday afternoon!

P's expression darkens.

B: You don't want to go. Is that it?

P shakes her head slowly.

B:(overcome with dread as he remembers talk about a get-away week-end): Oh, nooo! It's our anniversary, isn't it!

P is silent.

B: Uhhh, tttt... ,no, not today. When, uhhh, ...today is the 7th ... mmmm, Saturday, no, ... Sunday! It's Sunday isn't it?

How pathetic is that? Anybody have any ideas how I save this week-end?

Four English Blokes

2010-09-23T16:50:00.004-04:00

A different Fab Four. Knopfler, Sting, Clapton, and Collins do "Money for Nothing." Exactly when did Rock'n'Roll get respectable? The sound doesn't quite synch with the video, but... just close your eyes and enjoy the music.

Ssssshhhhh!

2010-09-21T16:39:00.003-04:00

C called me Saturday. He said he came into possession of a couple of Orioles/Yankees tickets for Sunday's game in Baltimore. Off the third-base side. Whoa! That meant I would miss church. He said he wasn't going without me. What could I do? He's my son. Heyyyyy, ROADTRIP!!!

Just don't tell my bishop. I have to admit. It was wicked... in the Boston sense.

"Time Has Come Today"

2010-09-16T16:55:00.003-04:00

Do you have 10 minutes? One of my all-time favorites from 1967, "the year the hippie died."

Unique

2010-09-13T10:44:00.014-04:00

I spotted a biker while traveling along Route 22 west in North Plainfield. No ordinary biker, here. She was riding a harley. That's no big deal, but what struck me, though, was the long braid hanging down the length of her back. The single braid alternated between dark brunette and blonde. I snapped the above photo. It's the best I could do with a camera phone, without running up on top of her. I looked closer and noticed she was wearing a dark brown leather fringed jacket, tight jeans, and stylish black boots. She was not a run-of-the-mill biker chick. Her whole attitude was, "I can do this! And, I can do it better than you!"

Well, Whaddayaknow!

2010-09-01T09:34:00.006-04:00

I ran into a couple of my former students yesterday. I had taught them froshman English literature at a local yeshiva high school. The class was made up of 12 9th and 10th grade boys all diagnosed with one or all of the following; ADD, ADHD, migraine, and dyslexia. And, I taught them without a net, ie, no aide. We had some fun and challenging times.

When I introduced them to Shakespeare, I brought in a metronome to demonstrate how iambic pentameter and blank verse fit together. "You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things," took on a new meaning for them. Each member read verse using the metronome as a guide. It got hilarious when one of the boys could not get it, and his recital became slower and slower and slower.

Then their was poor M who was so mortified of Rabbi W, the principal, he broke down in tears when I sent him to the Principal's office across the hall. I discovered later his mortification was rooted in what his father would think.

I oftened wondered what would become of those boys. Some could barely read and write. Others, would get up in the middle of class and pace in the back of the room. I wondered if I or the school was doing them any good.

I discovered from my two former students that all the guys were either attending college or working steady jobs. A couple of them served in the Israeli army and rose to the rank of sargent. One of which was M. Maybe I should change the title of this post to "Ya Nevah Know!"

Social Networking, 20th Century Style

2010-08-27T12:56:00.003-04:00

I overheard my Office Assistant talking about an upcoming council meeting at the lodge in Old Bridge. He's an elected official, although he's shy about calling himself a politician.

Bill: What lodge is that?

Politico: The Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh

Yeah, that's right. Its full name is "The Order of the Friendly Sons of the Shillelagh." I love that. Forty blokes got together in 1964 and formed this social club. They didn't need no stinking Facebook to socialize. But the best part is the name. Very cool. Go to their website, fsos.com, click on Jackie Gleason's mug and learn how they got their name.

It's Been Over a Month

2010-08-27T12:37:00.003-04:00

Wow! It's been over a month since I last posted. You know what's crazy? There were still 300 unique visitors to this blog during this time. I guess I better give you something to read.

P and I went to a Carol King/James Taylor concert at Madison Square Garden. That was nice. King still has the chops. Taylor referred to himself as a "rock-n-roller." He's a little too "Sweet" to be called that. Don't get me wrong! They were both great.

We spent a week at Cape Cod. Rented the same house as last year. The bay lay on one side, and the ma'sh laid on the other. We all made it! Annifer, the East Coast Family, and the Left Coast Family. The M-na'ds were just up the road.

The following week the Left Coasters spent a week with us at Windy Hill Farm. At least the girls stayed with us. J was busy most nights partying with her blogger buddies in the City.

Here's a milestone for you. We celebrated Mad Dog's first birthday in the park. Yeah, summer doesn't get much better than this.

All in all, it's been a wonderful summer. I might top it off with a visit to the Outer Banks. More later.

Here's the Video for the Previous Post

2010-08-27T12:17:00.000-04:00

In Memory of My Best Friend

2010-07-20T16:46:00.006-04:00

Bill Cash and I were best buddies a very long time ago. We made our own boards for skating. One of our very favorite things to do was to find the longest and steepest road in town and skate down it as fast as we could without killing ourselves. The object during the end-run of our favorite hill was to carve a bottom-turn without driving our heads into the big rockpile. We didn't even think of using helmets. I thought fondly of Bill when I found this today. He died at the young age 0f 49 awhile back.

Eeee GAD! I should have known!

2010-07-16T20:25:00.003-04:00

I've had this tingling sensation in my lips all week. It's gotten progressively worse every day. It just feels weird. Yesterday, I had an intense moment of numbness and tingling in the same area. I thought I was having a mini-stroke or something. So, I immediately got onto WebMD and banged out my symptoms. Here are the eight (8) possible conditions:

1. Chemical burns? Nah,that's not it. I don't "free-base."
2. Tetany? Huh? What's that?
3. Burn? From the sun? Smoking in bed? No.
4. Low Blood Sugar? A donut a day keeps that condition away.
5. Hyperventilation? No, my respiration's as slow as a long distance runner.
6. Panic attack? I've had that before! Not this time.
7. Migraine headache? Now we're getting somewhere!
8. General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)? Bingo!

Eeee GAD! I should have known. Now I feel better!

I Checked that Stuff Out

2010-07-09T18:10:00.003-04:00

I checked out the Amitiza Lubi-Stuff I wrote about a couple of days ago. Turns out, it's constipation medecine. Not so formidable, after all! Their advertising strategy leaves me baffled, though.

Their logo includes tightly packed columns and rows of rectangular boxes of dark blue. As you look left to right, the boxes become a lighter blue and they eventually transform into birds flying off into the air.

Look at the web page and you will notice tense-looking individuals sitting on park benches or sofas. Suddenly, a toilet seat appears embedded in the bench or sofa next to them.

Like I said, confusing! They are telling me the magic of doves flying out of my arse will occur wherever I choose to sit. I don't get it!

The real irony is I first noticed the ad opposite J's July 7th post about "Best Baked Beans!" You know! Six of one, half-a-dozen of the other?

For P Only

2010-07-07T15:41:00.000-04:00

Where are my photographs?

What Is That!

2010-07-07T15:31:00.002-04:00

I just took a look at J's blog. She has an advert about "amitiza lubiprostone." I have no idea what that is. I'm afraid to click on it because at the bottom it demands "MUST MEET ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS!" I'm afraid I might be arrested and handcuffed.

The ad has doves flying out of a horizontal bar of rectangular boxes. I'll need to do some investigating.

P Invades England!

2010-06-22T13:46:00.002-04:00

P is off to Oxford this week. She's taking a course offered by Oxford University touching on management principles found in Shakespeare's Henry V. Tomorrow the lecturer will be the son of Sir Laurence Olivier. This is all true. I didn't make this stuff up!

Tonight, in honor of Sir Laurence and P, I will watch the great actor's version of Henry V. I have read the play and have watched Branagh's version. I like the way the church fathers get Henry out of their hair by encouraging him to go off and fight their french brothers. Those are management techniques I can get behind; deception and diversion.

I'll let you know what else I learn after tonight's viewing.

Re-assessment

2010-06-20T20:32:00.003-04:00

I have re-assessed my position on football. Ronaldo and Messi are pretty good! Donovan for the USA woke his team up. Good thing the Slovenian goalie ducked! And, what's with all the flopping? These guys must be NBA fans. All in all, I can't stop taking a look.

Happy Father's Day!

World Cup Socc..., Err, Football!

2010-06-14T15:52:00.004-04:00

Yeah, I know it's called "football" everywhere in the world except here. My old man called it "football" and he called the american version "a travesty." He would complain about how dull american football was. "Why do they have to stop and talk about things all the time?" he would ask, and ask, and ask some more, until my eyes rolled out of my head.

My Swedish family was and is big on the world's version of football. My Dad and his brother played for Hammarby in Stockholm. My mother's brothers played, too. My mother's cousins were Gunnar, Knut, and Bertil Nordahl. They won Olympic Gold Medals in 1948 with the Swedish National Team. Football was and is huge!

So, I gave it a try this weekend. I watched South Africa v. Mexico and USA v. England. Both matches ended in 1-1 ties. Here is my assessment of "football." It was like watching the horses grazing outside my window. No, wait! It was a little more exciting than that. Like watching the fish swim in Cabella's aquariums!

Go ahead! Take your best shot! Tell me how boring baseball is.

Where's the Outrage!

2010-06-14T15:29:00.002-04:00

A week after Hurricane Katrina hit N'awlins, everybody was in an uproar. A-Listers from Hollywood were all over it, denouncing President Bush and FEMA. You might say, well, lives were in danger with Katrina, hence, the difference. But, remember, 11 lives were lost on the Gulf oil rigging and livelihoods are evaporating as I write. I mean, where is everybody?

It took Tony Hayward's (BP President) "point man" one week to get to the Gulf to assess the scope of the problem. Huh?

When Iraq invaded Kuwait, the US seized Saddam's and his buddies' assets. Hey, BP has invaded our shores! Let's at least seize Tony Hayward's Christmas Club account! Where's the outrage!

Sounds Like a Joke

2010-05-25T11:53:00.002-04:00

I toured the state yesterday with our architect looking at potential projects. At one point he turned to me and said, "You know?! That sounds like a joke!" Here's the joke.

Two rabbis and a mormon are having a kosher meal at "Oh, Jerusalem" on lower Broadway. Rabbi K turns to Bill, the mormon, and asks, "What faith are you, Bill?"

Bill responds with the long answer, " I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known as the Latter-Day Saint Church, or, LDS for short."

Confused, Rabbi K asks, "What church is that?"

Rabbi W explains, "Ahh, you know, the Mormons! They're the ones that got into that scandal and proxy baptized all of our Holocaust victims! Wholesale!"

Bill: "Nahh, we don't do that anymore. Mormon families with jewish ancestors do it individually! We've gone retail."

Hey, true story!

We Had the Pleasure ...

2010-05-20T16:37:00.002-04:00

We had the pleasure of seeing Annie walk at graduation commencement a week ago Saturday! Two degrees she earned! I'm not braggin' I'm just sayin'! Hey, baby!

P and I left Newark International Friday, late afternoon, and arrived in Logan, Utah, Saturday at around noon. We missed Danny Glover's commencement address due to delays and cancellation and an unexpected overnight stay in Denver.

Here's a couple of travelling tips: 1) Never fly Delta; 2) If you use your frequent-flyer miles, don't expect the airline to voucher your hotel in case of cancellation. Bummer, huh? Delta really blows.

We were able to see A walk in the procession. She was the second student to accept her diploma. We then had to politely sit through two hours of other gloating parents watching their offspring accept theirs.

It was a proud moment! You know what I mean. She worked hard and she deserved it.

New York ... the Good and the Bad

2010-05-04T16:22:00.009-04:00

A close friend of ours treated us to a Yankees' game on Saturday. D roots for the White Sox, I root for the Yankees, and P (I know! I'm back to calling her P again) roots for the shortest possible game. P's idea of a fun time at the park means two ground-ball pitchers dueling it out to a 1-0 game because chances are it would be a short game and she'd get home sooner. We had a great time!

The Yanks lost 7-6, but that wasn't the bad part of the day. The bad part turned out to be discovering a bomb plot in Times Square. Fortunately, it fizzled, saving hundreds of lives.

The bomb was found at 45th and Broadway. C works at 40th and Broadway. I was reminded that danger can lurk around the corner. I was also reminded of 9/11/01. I got caught in the city that day. I couldn't get a hold of my family until mid-afternoon to tell them I was OK. I'll never forget hearing my son's voice break in relief when we finally talked to each other that afternoon.

Bullet Bike

2010-04-30T13:05:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I saw a swarthy fellow (italian?) pulled over by a cop. He had a pressed "do-rag" on his head. What's that all about? I mean, I wear pressed shirts, but a pressed "do-rag?" He also had a tight fitting leather jacket and leather pants on. Very stylish. He must have been italian, right?

What struck me as odd was that he was riding a bullet bike, and, he was pulled over by a cop in a squad car. I have never seen anything like that before! Everybody knows you get a bullet bike so you can outrun the police. How embarassing! What a poseur! I hope he wasn't pulled over in his neighborhood. He'd have no choice but to move!

EW Moment

2010-04-26T16:05:00.004-04:00

EW is my father. In my family, I don't have senior moments; I have EW moments. An EW moment is when I do or say something that is unmistakably like my old man. And there are plenty of people around to remind me when I stray into that territory.

I'll give you an example.

Saturday, Ch and his family came to visit us. Ch and I were sitting next to each other on the couch. Suddenly, I jumped up, walked across the room, and plucked an X-ray of my left hip off the table. I strode back, held the film up to the light and proceeded to show Ch just how healthy my left hip was.

Ch: "What do you mean you won't need hip surgery? What are you talking about? I didn't know there was anything wrong with you!"

Bill: "Oh, I had a strain or something. It's nothing to worry about. The good news is I can walk it off."

But, ironically, no one called me on this one. It's classic EW. The first thing I did was talk about a perceived health problem that may, or, may not exist. Unbelievable!

Watch out, kids! Someday you'll be like your old man.

Yet Another Mixed-Up Teen Book

2010-04-21T16:45:00.004-04:00

I walked up to the "New Mystery" stacks at the local Barnes & Noble. An interesting title jumped out at me. It read I AM NOT A SERIAL KILLER. Compelling, no?

I took a closer look. The author's name's Dan Wells. He's got a wife and four kids and he lives in Orem, Utah, of all places. I wondered how a family man, from a place where 4 kids may be considered not enough by some, could come up with a potentially bloody slasher book like this.

I bought the book. I was willing to take a walk on the dark side.

The book's about a sociopathic teen whose mother and aunt practice the art of undertaking in a small town. All the makings of a good novel. Remember, I was led to believe this was a mystery.

The irony of the book lies in the premise that this young sociopath battles his demons successfully, but not without a price. Then he discovers that there's a serial killer in town doing the dark deed. I know, Jeff Lindsay wrote this book already entitled Darkly Dreaming Dexter, but I was willing to give it a shot.

The book was suitably thoughtful and macabre until I got to page 100, or so. The serial killer, who is an adult, turns out to be a demon whose hands turn into claws which reap body parts from unsuspecting individuals! My reading came to a screeching halt.

Wait a minute! What is this? I turned to the title page. There I learned the publisher was Tor Publishing. That's the same publisher who prints Orson Scott Card's SciFi/Fantasy books (Ender's Game.) I should have seen this coming.

I finished the book, but for me it lost authenticity. Making it a fantasy took the edginess out of it. I see a trilogy forming.

Got Lucky

2010-04-20T18:15:00.004-04:00

Traffic on 78 East slowed while driving to a project this morning. I heard a loud pop come from somewhere behind me. I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw cars weaving and lurching in the two right-hand lanes. The car directly behind me lurched forward and the driver was trying to get control of his car. He bore to the left. I went right to avoid being rear-ended. Amazing how focused you get in a crisis.

Traffic stopped across all three lanes behind me. Unscathed, I kept driving. I watched the accident scene recede in the mirror's reflection.

One hour later I came traveling back on the same stretch of highway. Suddenly, an emergency vehicle began weaving back and forth across all three lanes in an attempt to slow down the on-coming traffic. The vehicle slowed to a stop and straddled the highway. Traffic backed up, I imagine, all the way to Newark.

We sat there for a good 30 minutes waiting for road crews to clean up another multi-lane multi-car accident. My car sat in the front row of a long line of stock cars.

I got fortunate coming and going!

Literary Criticism, Sort of ...

2010-04-16T16:19:00.004-04:00

I recently finished reading a book by DC Pierson called The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To. It's a coming of age novel. At first, I thought I might have caught the next Twain, or, the next Salinger, or, maybe even the next Walker Percy. I actually got a bit excited. The tone was irreverent, the teen angst was off the chart, and the speech was hip. Granted, it had a few more f-bombs than Catcher, but I live in New Jersey. You hear that stuff from time to time.

What's more, it included living in the cloudy border between reality and virtuality that we experience in general. As I read, I thought Pierson had this Henry James psychological realism thing going, where the two subjects were, indeed, delusional. Then it ended. If I squinted really hard I could see them going off their nut.

But, no, the ending morphed into some kind of EA game. I guess I just don't get it. If you're a "gamer" you'll probably like the book. When you're done reading, maybe you can explain it to me.

What a Nightmare!

2010-04-12T17:08:00.004-04:00

Let it be known I have never watched an episode of Dancing With the Stars. I have not even watched an entire performance by one of the dance partners, now or ever. I might have watched a couple of turns by Donnie Osmond. Ever since his riff with Jimmie Kimmel, I figure him to be pretty cool. But that's it! Nothing!

I don't watch any of the reality shows. I watched the first season of Survivor, but no more. PJ made me watch a few episodes of Project Runway. No more! Amazing Race? Fuhgeddaboutit! I walk out of the room when PJ's watching those HGTV shows, too. I do admit to the final episodes of American Idol. That BowerSoxer is incredible! But, that's it!

Last night I jumped out of bed yelling, "What a nightmare!"

PJ, amused: "What's wrong with you?"

Bill: "I just had a bad dream!"

PJ: "About what?"

Bill: "I just dreamed I was in Kemmerer, Wyoming, where everybody in town was rehearsing for a reality show. Everybody I ran into broke out into four part harmonies. And nobody was less than 50 years old. It was frightening!"

I ran into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. When I calmed down I went back to sleep.

Sad Time

2010-04-09T16:19:00.006-04:00

You'll find my office in one of our church buildings in EB. The meetinghouse itself lies within a predominantly Jewish Orthodox neighborhood. Every shabbos and high holiday I see the neighbors walking to shul for services. It's a pleasant and safe neighborhood. But, even here people live in fear.

We have undertaken a major landscape project to clean up the back half of our property and make it park-like. Some changes impact our neighbors, so, I have tried to meet with those affected. I've met with three households thus far without incident. It's been nice.

Yesterday, I drove down the street of a fourth. As I drove, I noticed a woman walking across the cul de sac towards my car. She was walking for some exercise and passed me going in the opposite direction. Two children, a brother and an older sister, were shooting baskets off a glass backboard.

I opened my car window and asked them if they lived in the house. The girl looked momentarily down the road then at me and shook her head no. The boy barely got a "no" out. I then asked them if their parents would be home soon. The boy looked at his sister, she shook her head, he replied "no" with a terrified look.

I have never seen two kids so scared in my life. I didn't bother getting out of the car. I told them not to worry, closed my window, and drove off. As I turned the corner I passed the woman who had walked by me earlier. She must have been the mom. I didn't feel like stopping. It was a very sad moment. I'll send them a note in the mail.

Gasless Part Two

2010-04-06T16:59:00.002-04:00

This is the happy ending to my story. When we last met, I had run out of gas and I thought I was getting caught up in a dragnet. I walked away from the bank and headed for the A&P. I thought I might find a gas can in the Automotive section. Well, there is no Automotive section at the A&P and I didn't find a gas can either.

Dismayed, I headed towards the street. The sound of weed whackers, leaf blowers, and lawnmowers gave me hope. Landscapers! I figured I could buy some gas off 'em.

I recognized the logo on the side of the landscaping truck. It belonged to my landscape company. Hey, I'm a big customer of theirs! I got excited.

I sought out the crew chief. I think he was the crew chief because he was the only one who could speak english. I told him his company serviced 18 properties of my church. I asked him if he could give me some gas because I ran out?

"What church is that?" he asked.

I told him.

"Hey, that's my church," he cried.

He explained to me that the only gas they had was mixed with oil, but, they had an empty gas can. We hopped in the company truck. I drove because my new friend didn't have a license. We found an Exxon station, bought gasoline, and went and put it in my tank.

I drove the truck back. We shook hands. I walked back to my car and drove home. Fortune shined on me today!

Gasless Part One

2010-04-06T08:18:00.004-04:00

Driving down Raritan Road in Clark, NJ, my car started the unmistakable sputtering of no fuel in the tank. I managed to pull over into a side street. Damn, I ran out of gas! This is embarassing. Now what?

I started walking back to a group of businesses thinking there's got to be a gas station. I mean, this is New Jersey.

As I approached a Bank of America branch, a shady character came out the front entrance and ambled out into the sidewalk in front of me. He kept turning around and stealing glances at me as if I was following him. I kept my game face on.

A police car passed me on the right. Another squad car had circled the parking lot and approached us on the left. The shady character turned for the last time and stole a glance at me. What the hell had I gotten myself into? Honest, I'm just looking for some gasoline!

The second police car stopped near Shady Dude. The officer stepped out of his car and asked, "What are you doing? You've been walking into businesses and talking strangely. What's going on!" I just kept looking straight ahead and minded my own business.

When I looked back later, Shady Dude and the police were nowhere to be seen. Who knows what happened!

Not a Good Start

2010-04-05T13:18:00.004-04:00

The Yankees failed us in the first game of the season last night. In New York, this is a losing streak. I guarantee the airwaves are being filled with negative comments about Chan Ho Park (What's he doing here?) and the lousy catching of Jorge Posada.

When time came in the eighth inning, Neil Diamond appeared and sang Sweet Caroline along with the crowd. Yeah, that was pretty cool. I found it ironic, though. Neil Diamond is a lifelong Yankees fan.

Another irony showed itself in Lebron James and Dr. Dre shilling for some headphones with the Bosox logo. That I didn't understand at all. Lebron is a Yankees fan who wants to come to New York.

You heard it here first! Lebron is signing with the Brooklyn Nets and not the New York Knickerbockers. Why? Jay-Z is a part owner of the Nets and the major stockholder is the richest Russian on the planet. Money and Hip-Hop!

Pot Luck

2010-04-03T22:58:00.003-04:00

Someone from my church approached me last week and presented me with a sign-up sheet for a pot luck dinner. I told them I couldn't sign up for a main course, dessert, or, anything else because then it wouldn't be pot luck. The individual laughed nervously not knowing if I was serious or not. I was dead serious.

Headlines

2010-04-03T17:29:00.007-04:00

It's always fun to read the New York tabloid headlines. I would say the Post garners the most entertaining ones. Yesterday, however, the Daily News came up with an intriguing one. It read Phony Soprano in large boldface type. I wondered what the headline editor's background might have been, coming up with that one.

The story referred to a used-car dealer who embezzled $7 million to fund a lavish lifestyle. The article described the gentlemen as a wanne-be criminal. It also made it clear the guy is Greek-American.

Here's my thinking. "Phony" refers to something unreal. "Soprano" refers to a fictitious mob boss; also unreal. We all know two negatives make a positive. Hence this guy is a criminal. This is math don't you see? In addition, the editor didn't want to insult the Italian-American community, hence the direct reference to the guy's ethnic origins.

These overtones are too subtle for a trained journalist. He or she must be an ethnically sensitive math major now finding himself writing headlines for a newspaper.

Good News, Bad News!

2010-04-01T20:00:00.002-04:00

First, the bad news! PJ went out of town again! She'll be back a week from today. Yeah, that's right! I'm on my own. She's left me to my own devices. That means I'll be eating herring out of a jar, boiled eggs,and hard bread, the Wasa kind. It means I'll save on doing the dishes, too. I'll be eating out of a cardboard container or over the sink. Sad, eh?

Here's the good news! Sunday evening! Opening day baseball! Yankees versus the Sox! On my HDTV! It doesn't get any better than that!

Sea Wall, you are invited to come over! Bring the old lady. She can read upstairs.

Mopin' Around

2010-03-30T10:53:00.004-04:00

I was moping around about the Big East's No-Show in the NCAA Tournament. I really expected six of the eight Big East teams to make the Sweet Sixteen with Syracuse to come out on top. What do they call that? Hubris?

Anyway, I noticed a comment by D. Browning. He suffered as I did. I clicked on his name which led me to "The Angry Asian Man," which led me to You Tube's "Applegirl." She cheered me up.

Sea Wall take note! This is right up your alley.

You're Not Going to Believe This!

2010-03-27T21:45:00.002-04:00

I went shopping for Easter dinner at the Shop Rite today ... by myself. I know! That in itself is hard to believe. But there's more!

Traveling south on Route 206 I look into my rear view mirror and see the flashing lights of one of Chester's finest. I pull over, stop the car, the policeman walks up to my window and I ask, "What did I do wrong officer?"

John Law: "Your registration is expired."

He points this out to me by taking my registration from my hand and points to the expiration date of December 2009.

John Law: "Can I see your Insurance please?"

I hand him my insurance card.

John Law: "Your insurance has expired."

He points to the insurance expiration date of March 2010.

John Law: "Can I see your license please?"

I hand him my driver's license. He looks at it.

John Law: "Is this your current address?"

I nod my head and say , "No ... I'm doing about 0 for 3 here, aren't I?"

John Law: " Yeah, that's about it."

Bill: "This is my wife's car!"

John Law: "Are you trying to blame this on your wife?"

Bill, meekly: "No... I'm guilty. Give me the tickets!"

To make a long story short, instead of impounding my car and giving me tickets for multiple violations, the good officer gave me a ticket for failure to show valid registration. He made me a deal. I am to meet him tomorrow and show evidence I have current insurance, that I registered the car online and that I changed my driver's license address. Guess where I'll be going after church. I figure he saved me about $700. Good man!

Scotch Plains Finest

2010-03-25T10:43:00.003-04:00

I battled the 4:30 PM traffic of North Jersey to get to one of my buildings yesterday. I needed to inspect a big project we have going there.

The closer I got to my target the slower the traffic. When I got to Terril I discovered the problem. A large dump truck filled with gravel lay on its side. It was serious enough the police had road-blocked Raritan road. My building lay on that road.

Undaunted, I took the long way around via Cooper and Martine. When I got to Raritan Road it was blocked on that end, too.

This wouldn't do. I checked out the orange traffic cones and determined I could just squeeze through. I went for it.

To my surprise heading straight for me was a Scotch Plains squad car. We both came to a stop, bumper-to-bumper. The lone policeman jumped out of his car screaming at me.

"Why in the world would you do something like that!!!" He took a quick look at the cones to see if I had crushed any of them. I hadn't.

"I gotta get to one of my buildings up the road!" I cried back. "You gotta let me through."

"There's a serious accident up there. If I let you through, I'll have a whole line of cars following you. Turn around!" cried the policeman. He was a little guy but he had the gun.

"How do you expect me to get to my building?" I pleaded.

"Walk." he said matter of factly.

I was at an impasse. Walking wasn't feasible at the moment.

"OK, I'll turn around."

With that the cop held up traffic while I got my car turned around.

Driving away, I thought I might have changed his mind if I told him I lived up there. Then I thought, since I work for the Church and I had already broken a couple of traffic laws and I had confronted one of SP's finest, it wouldn't be right for me to lie. Besides my boss was sitting in the passenger seat. I pushed it far enough.

Whoa Big East!

2010-03-20T22:17:00.003-04:00

We are not even done with the first week of the NCAA basketball playoffs and 5 of the 8 Big East entrants are gone. I had a Big East strategy going with my brackets and now my only hope is Syracuse. ESPN ranks my predictive score so low that 4.5 million people have better results than I do. I'm glad I don't have any money on this.

Goodreads

2010-03-19T10:14:00.003-04:00

Have you checked out Goodreads.com? It's a great way to find and keep track of books you've read or wish to read. J introduced me to the site about a year and a half ago.

In addition, you can maintain a friend's list and see what everybody's reading. J has 84 friends! That means she's getting updates about the reading habits of 84 individuals. Wow, she's friendly!

I, on the other hand, have only one friend, and that is J. I can't imagine being bombarded with information indicating whether you plan to read Twilight or not. Wow, I'm unfriendly!

More Scandinavian Musings

2010-03-16T12:10:00.005-04:00

PJ and I watched a wonderful movie called Everlasting Moments directed by Jan Troell. Be forewarned, the dialogue is swedish with english sub-titles.

Hearing the language and the dialects makes me think of my childhood. What's odd is sensing the same "peasant's awe of authority" in my own parents, decades after the period in which this story takes place. The "peasant's" phrase quote is either from Karin Fossum or Siri Hustvedt, I don't remember which.

Speaking of Siri Hustvedt, find her book The Sorrows of an American. Siri is an american writer. It is worth a read.

Scandinavian Mystery Writers

2010-03-16T11:31:00.003-04:00

About 25 years ago, I discovered the works of Per Wahloo (umlauted Os by the way) and Maj Sjowall (umlauted.) They were a couple who plied journalism at their regular jobs while they wrote 10 mysteries together. The Laughing Policeman was made into an american movie starring Walter Matthau. I can't remember the movie's title. Anyway, I read all their stuff as fast as I could.

Over the years their work inspired a whole spate of Scandinavian writers in Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, and Iceland. Lately, I have been churning through the works of Henning Mankel, Karin Fossum, Jo Nesbo, Hakan Nesser, Anders Roslund, Stieg Larsson, Kjell Eriksson, Yrsa Sigurodottir, Arnaldur Indrioason,Johan Theorin, and Ake Edwardsson. I intend to read all of their works plus a couple of more authors I have identified.

Pretty compulsive behavior, I know, but, why not do something you really enjoy? These authors all tend to weave the impact of changing social issues into their narrative. Individuals find themselves caught up into trends and conflicts they can't avoid or understand. The latest one I finished just yesterday is Karin Fossum's The Indian Bride. It's about a simple norwegian man who finds a bride in India and brings her home to a tragic end. Talk about culture clash. Great writing!

Fossum and Mankell are my favorites. Larsson and Nesbo come a close second.

Announcement!

2010-03-16T11:27:00.001-04:00

I am going to refer to P as PJ. Why? Jane is P's middle name and I like how PJ sounds.

Working at Home

2010-03-10T15:20:00.003-05:00

This is what I look like when I work from home. Well, part of me anyway.

You can tell a lot about me from this photo. First, I don't necessarily wear matching socks. Secondly, I always wear jeans. I can't comfortably sit and work in pajamas. I have to be secure and know that if there is a fire I can get out of the house with my dignity intact.

Let's see! What else! I like tea-stained oriental rugs. Oh, and I have high arches!

Big East Round Ball Torn-a-ment

2010-03-10T12:15:00.016-05:00

The Big East Basketball Tournament started yesterday so I played hooky from work. C-Squared and I went into the city to watch a couple of games at Madison Square Garden. We picked up USF versus Depaul at noon and then UCON versus St. John's in the afternoon. You're looking at a photo of the tip-off in the USF/Depaul game. Of course, we were rooting for the local team, St. John's. P agreed to watch Mad Dog while we played in the city.

No trip into the City is complete without its accompanying little adventures. Yesterday was no exception.

Co and I trained in from Millburn. We had a little time to kill so we picked up some donuts at the Krispy Kreme. I love those chocolate iced glazed donuts. After repeating myself at least a half dozen times I got exactly what I didn't want; plain-old glazed donuts. I should have whipped out the Pakistani and Egyptian phrases the guys at the 7/11 taught me. What a bummer! Some guy with slick curly hair in a dark suit got a kick out of my order; two donuts and a Diet Coke. Yeah, well, that's what I do!

During the game, we were encircled by the Scalpers' Guild. They were taking a break I guess. These are the guys that greet you as you approach a sports venue, professional or amateur. You never see any women do this kind of work. I look at these guys as making the tickets market efficient at the margins.

They have been squeezed by Stub Hub, though. It was evident from their comments when the "Stub Hub" fan promotion took place. All derogatory! The scalpers referred to Stub Hub buyers as "suckers." That would include me I suppose.

The scalpers knew each other by name. They asked each other where they were staying that night. One of them impressed all the others with the comment that he only spent 89$ for his hotel room. 89$? In New York?

I was reminded of staying at Arne's Royal Hawaiian Flea-Bag Thin Sheets Hotel in Baker, California. It's as close to booking an over-night stay in hell as P and I have ever come.

One of the guys asked how he made such a great deal on a room. He got a classical New York response, "I know a guy who knows a guy."

Sure enough, after the second game, one of those same scalpers came up to me and asked if I had any tickets to sell. That kind of behavior is what makes markets efficient!

Barking

2010-03-03T23:02:00.005-05:00

I walked out of the house this morning and ran into Duchess. Duchess is a retriever owned by the stable hand. Duchess never barks at the horses. She barks at people. Well, Duchess didn't disappoint today.

When the barking starts then the stable hand gets upset and yells at the dog. Then, I'll wave my hand and tell her not to worry about it. And so it goes.

As I walked towards my car, I thought of a line I hoped I could use sometime. I sort of wished I could have used it right then.

Phyllis called later in the day and reminded me we were going to babysit Mad Dog. He's my grandson. So, I arranged my day so I could meet Phyllis at home.

I got home first. While I sat and read, Phyllis phoned and said she was outside the door, waiting. I picked up my jacket and went outside.

As I opened the car door, Duchess rushed up to me barking. I smiled as I slid into the car and said, "Wow, that's one noisy bitch!"

P didn't disappont either. She said, "Her owner isn't any better. Listen to her!"

Freaky Freudian

2010-03-02T17:12:00.002-05:00

That last post was sort of freaky, eh? Some cloudy mist must have been swirling around inside my head for me to write about P getting annoyed at me. Well, the mist cleared and I got busted. P really got annoyed! I didn't send our tax stuff to the accountant, Mr Ed, you see. Dang! Sometimes I just hate myself!

Hibben Happy

2010-03-01T16:42:00.006-05:00

C bought Co two sets of Hibben throwing knives for her birthday. She was thrilled!

C constructed a target board which we took out to the back forty for a little knife throwing practice. We then took turns hurling the knives at a round target. Although the knives are perfectly balanced, it took a while to get the hang of it.

I'm not sure I'd want P to learn how to throw a knife. Imagine if she tackled knife throwing like she did "Zelda" a couple of decades ago. She became obsessed with that game. She got good, too.

What if she got so good at knife throwing it became second nature to her. Then one day I did something to annoy her, and, without thinking, she throws a steak knife at me. I know she would feel bad about it, but I would feel worse.

C needs to rethink this knife business.

I Should Know Better Than to Ask!

2010-03-01T15:12:00.002-05:00

P: "I had such a romantic dream last night!"

Bill: "Who was in it? Me or George Clooney"

P: "I can't remember."

This Day For Dinner TDFD

2010-02-23T10:21:00.005-05:00

This is a rip-off of J's website This Week For Dinner (TWFD). Sorry, but that's how I approach the challenge of feeding myself, one day at a time. Especially, since P was asked to fly out to LA yesterday. Seems that some guy got sick and P is the only person who can fix things. So, I'm alone this week, once again.

The last thing P said to me when I let her off at Liberty International was, " You can stop by Shop-Rite get some pita bread, some tomatoes and cucumbers and use that roast chicken we have at home. Put some of that tzaziki on it. It will be good!" So that's what I did. See above!

Not exactly the same production values as TWFD, but, who cares!

That stool you see was my grandmother's. She would sit on it with a bowl of rye dough between her legs and beat the hell out of it with a wooden spoon. Beating it did something for the final bread result. Fond memories!

Surreal Snowfall

2010-02-17T10:04:00.002-05:00

I drove home from inspecting a project Monday night. Light snow fell from the heavens. I turned on the radio. I subscribe to Sirius radio so I pushed the satellite button. I scanned through the programs until I heard, of all things, Bob Dylan's voice and he wasn't singing. He was speaking. Clearly.

Bob was doing his best DJ voice as he shared his thoughts and tastes in music. That's right Bob Dylan is now a DJ. He enunciated every syllable. No words disappeared into a mess of verbal porridge. He still has that odd lilt in his speech. I chalk that up to growing up in Minnesota and over-compensating for that handicap.

He played a unique blend of standards, blues, country and rock. I heard everything from Loretta Lynn to Louis Prima. Evidently, he'll wrap shows around themes like parts of the human body. You know, one show might revolve around lyrics that deal with "hands." I liked listening to his program.

So to you Sirius listeners out there, give Bob a listen.

P's Back!

2010-02-15T10:25:00.002-05:00

P's back and not soon enough. According to her, I would suffocate under a thick layer of dust because I don't "see" the dirt like she does.

Hey, I dust! I wipe off important stuff, like my HDTV. I vacuum. I do the dishes. I even make my bed every 3-4 days. In my book, that's pretty good. Not bad for a guy whose swedish mother never let him in the kitchen to wash or dry the dishes. Those were the days, eh!

I bought P a dozen roses for Valentine's day. She made me a sumptuous beef stew. Life's back to normal.

Squeegee Man

2010-02-05T14:24:00.004-05:00

Back in the day, when the Squeegee-Man ruled the exit routes from the Lincoln Tunnel, you needed to be prepared to run your windshield wipers to discourage any window washers from slinging dirty soap water on to your windshield. Otherwise, the washers would be clamoring for their $2 before they would finish the job. A hapless driver didn't have much choice if she wanted to avoid t-boning someone on 9th Avenue. You paid the $2. Your bad!

During a visit from relatives, C was mortified when his uncle from out "West" didn't follow his instructions about the wipers. Then he was even more mortified when the uncle didn't cough up the 2 bucks. C was seven years-old then. I thought it was funny.

Yesterday, I spotted a gorgeous young lady advancing towards me with a big smile on her face. Certainly that smile wasn't meant for me!

Before I knew it, a handsome young fellow was squeegeeing my windshield. Where was Mayor Giuliano when I needed him!

While the guy was washing my windows, the girl was telling me what a handsome man I was and how she was drawn towards me. "You flatter me," I said smiling, trying to figure what was going on. Then she told me that I must be the most handsome extraordinary man in the township. I looked at her and said, "Young Lady! You are bad!"

Said she, "I know."

As it turned out, this episode was a product of some kind of customer appreciation day. I didn't have to cough up $2, much to my relief.

When the Cat's Away ...

2010-02-01T13:44:00.007-05:00

C's old lady is visiting family in Flawrida. P's in Chiner. C called and said, "Let's go see Avatar!" I had a bid package to put together, but c'mon, what's more fun. I said OK.

We drove to Rockaway. They have fairly new theaters there with nice stadium seating. We paid our money and grabbed our glasses. I heard they made another $30,000,000 this weekend. Someone said they expect to gross $2 billion world-wide. Wow! There's good money in that 3-D business.

The movie was impressive, but, I really missed being 16 years-old again. I'm afraid I've been tainted by time. As I watched the movie I was conscious of things like Gaia, mother-earth, christ-figures, Transformers, Mortal Kombat, HGH, the american indian, the Tutsi genocide, pantheism, and so-on and so-on.

My sixty-year old self rates the movie as a 3/5. A better movie would have distracted me from all those thoughts. On the other hand, my 16-year old self rates it as the best movie I ever saw. How's that for straddling the fence?

Home Alone

2010-02-01T13:25:00.002-05:00

P. flew off to Beijing on Saturday. She'll train her people on Monday and Tuesday, then she flies to Melbourne on Wednesday. She won't be coming home until a week from this Friday. Why? Because, she has business in Nashville until then. What do China, Australia, and the U.S. have in common? Candy and dog food, what else?

Horses, Anyone?

2010-01-26T11:29:00.007-05:00

Meet one of my neighbors. He's got the muzzle on because he likes to nip the fillies in the rump. Someone warned me, once I moved to the farm, I would catch the bug and purchase a horse. Not a chance! And, here's why.

The purchase price of one of these steeds runs between $4,000 and $5,000. Add to that the cost of boarding, which runs $750 per month, not to mention the time spent, day in and day out, caring for these animals.

Here's the alternative; lease a Series E Mercedes Benz. The ride's less bumpy and you get a lot more horses. Plus, I would have some left over to take P on a Tuscan holiday.

You can see where I'm going with this.